Hey guys! Today we are going to talk about self-confidence. I’m going to hook you up with 7 simple secrets to be more confident and you can start today!
Confidence is a powerful word and an even more powerful feeling. Can you remember a time in your life when you felt really confident? Like right after you received a promotion. Or right after you accomplished a big goal. Think about a time when you felt unstoppable… at your very best.
Now imagine you could develop that feeling, and actually become that person on a consistent basis. What impact would that have on your career, your relationships, even your health and well-being?
Not only does being confident feel good, it enhances who you are and who you are designed to be. You end up pursuing more opportunities. You end up trying new things and taking more chances.
So how to be more confident? I’m going to unpack that from every angle for you today!
If you'd prefer to WATCH rather than READ, here is the video of this training! If you'd prefer to read, go ahead and continue down below!
Let’s dive right in!
SET UP: Why you may have a lack of Self-Confidence
Lack of confidence can stem from many places. Perhaps, growing up, your parents said a certain career was outside your reach and you could ‘never do that’. Or maybe you have a belief system that says ‘I could never start my own business, I’m not bold enough, smart enough, or equipped enough’.
Perhaps you had a bad experience in your life (or a series of) which opened the door for self-doubt to creep in. Or maybe your inner critic is telling you ‘you can’t’ or ‘you’re not good enough’. Maybe (ok, likely) you’ve been comparing yourself to someone else – a friend, colleague or spouse.
Or perhaps you feel there is something missing in your life – a relationship, the dream job, kids, a degree or a professional title.
With all the clients that I have worked with over the years it seems most (if not all) of us struggle with confidence in some area, or at some point in our lives. Whether that be confidence in our appearance, abilities, relationships, careers, decision making, and social situations.
I think everyone has a crises of confidence at some point. Times where self-consciousness and self-doubt creep in.
So I want you to understand, first of all, that if your lack of confidence is keeping you stuck in a bad situation or keeping you from moving forward in your life or career, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
When you fail to achieve or you fail to pursue the things you really want in your life, it’s easy to believe that you don’t really have what it takes, or that you’re not good enough.
However, I want you to understand that the difference between success and failure is rarely due to any lasting ability. Sure, you may lack the necessary skills to pursue something that may be bigger than you at a given moment, but you can always learn everything that you need to know.
The biggest factor in determining your level of success is often your self-confidence. There’s an awesome quote by Henry Ford which I’m sure you’ve heard that says ‘Whether you think you can or you think that you can’t; you’re right’.
Self-confidence is that powerful. It’s the core of your belief system. As the size of your goals and ambition grows, your level of self-confidence needs to grow to match it.
SET UP: Self-confidence requires effort
Self-confidence does not happen by accident. Just like any skill that you develop, self-confidence comes from repeated practice and small successes which build up over time.
Doing so requires commitment, effort and discipline (which is why we talked about self-discipline yesterday). What’s awesome though, is that you can actually build your self-confidence in a short period of time.
Self-confidence is not some sort of gift that some people were born with, and you weren’t. I think we can probably all think of a person that we know and you just think ‘man, they’re so confident.’ What’s likely is that they probably had confident role models in their life, from whom they learned the appropriate confidence building behaviors.
These people learned the behavior and they developed those behaviors into now feels like natural abilities. So today I’m going to hook you guys up with 6 simple secrets to becoming more self-confident, and you can start today!
TIP 1) Be Specific
First things first. In order to tame the demon, you’ve got to name the demon. Where do you lack confidence? When do you feel self-doubt and your negative emotions creeping in? Where do you feel your skills or abilities are limiting you? Where would you like to have more confidence?
Once you get specific, it won’t feel so overwhelming as you’ll have something tangible to tackle.
Maybe you want the confidence to go out on your own and start a new business? Or maybe you just want to be more confident in the career you have. Perhaps you want to pursue a promotion but your terrified of the interview process.
Or maybe you’d like to go back to school to get the degree you’ve always wanted? Maybe you’d like the confidence to go on an adventure or take a trip you’ve been thinking about for some time.
Perhaps you want to be more confident around your spouse, or with your children.
Take a moment now, identify and put into a complete statement: Where do you specifically want to have more confidence?
That’s your starting point. Name it.
TIP #2) Identify What Gives You Confidence
This is personal, so it will vary from person to person. There’s no one size fits all approach to confidence and what works for one, might now work for another.
So how can you figure out what gives you confidence? Think about a couple times in your life when you felt most confident. Can you recall?
Was it after you received a promotion? Was it excelling in sports, or music or extra-curricular activities at a younger age? Was it after you accomplished a major goal or milestone in your life.
Try to recall a couple different occasions when you really felt good. Like you could conquer the world.
Now, identify what was it about those times that made you feel so empowered.
Was it the environment you were in? Something you were doing? A feeling you had? The more you get clear about this for yourself, the easier it will be to tap into that feeling when you need it, and you can learn to manifest it on demand.
TIP #3) BE YOU
I need to cover this and I need cover it early. One of the surest ways to lose confidence is try to be someone that you’re not. So then naturally, one of the best ways to build your self-confidence is to be completely true to yourself!
When you’re trying to be someone you’re not, every part of you resists it. You are not everyone else. You are you. And the more you can understand who you are and what you value the stronger you will be.
When you stray away from who you are, you lose confidence because it’s ‘just not you’.
Additionally, nothing destroys self-confidence more than comparing yourself to others. Especially now in the age of social media and the wonderful opportunity to judge yourself against everyone else’s daily highlight reel (because that’s all that it is, a highlight reel) Lack of confidence comes from a gap in where you see yourself and where you think you should be.
It’s like preparing to give a big presentation or speech. So I your preparation, you decided to watch some of the best speakers in the world doing Ted Talks. Of course you are going to feel unqualified. You’re comparing your chapter 1 to their chapter 20. It’s not the same.
Think about what makes you, uniquely you. Write it down. Think about what you value and what’s important to you. Write that down, too. What have people told you that they love about you? What traits of yours have lead to successes in your life? What are you naturally good at? Write all those down.
That’s who you are! That’s not anything to shy away from or be embarrassed about. That’s you God designed you to be. And what’s awesome, is that Hebrews 13:21 says “He will equip you with all that you need for doing his will.”
Everything that you are, is what he has designed you to be. And you have everything you need to do exactly what he has called you to do. So here’s a challenge for you.
Every day for the next 21 days repeat this affirmation “I am enough.” Don’t just say it, but feel it, deeply, at the core of who you are.
And if you want to get more specific, replace ‘enough’ with whatever word you’d like to ‘be’. What would give you the most confidence? I am brave. I am strong. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am confident. I’ve got this.
Choose your affirmations, get in your power pose and declare those in the mirror to yourself every single morning for 21 days straight. It will have a powerful effect on your subconscious.
TIP #4) Remember You Are 100% Smart
When one of my daughters was in the 4th grade I remember her teacher gave an assignment called 100% smart. In this activity, the kids had to make a pie chart and identify what percentage smart they were in each of the following areas; people, self, athletics, math, word, music, art. All individual percentages have to total 100%.
For example, I believe my daughter said she was 40% people smart (because she loves people), but only 5% art smart (art is not her thing). I thought this was such an insightful exercise and something I highly encourage you to do.
My daughter realized that even though she lacked confidence in art, there were so many other areas where she excelled. And that really excited her because she realized she didn’t have to feel bad about not being good at art! That just wasn’t her thing!
This is true for everyone. So, maybe you’re not the best public speaker, but are you’re an amazing parent! Maybe you’re an introvert and not really good in group dynamics, but your sharp as a tack with your money? Do you see? Put a YES in the comments if you can see!
Too many people spend way too much time trying to improve, change, be more of this or less of that. Instead, what if you spent more time acknowledging first what you’re naturally good it, and building upon those things.
Try this for one week: at the end of each day, write down at least 3 things that you did well, felt good about, or were proud of yourself for. Know your strengths, know your talents and know you’re 100% smart.
TIP #5) Upgrade Your Skillset
Since confidence is often directly linked to abilities, one of the best ways to build your confidence is to acquire new skills or develop existing ones.
Doing so will definitely give you a shot of confidence. But let me make this point, as you work on building your skills and expertise, don’t mistake a lack of perfection for a lack of ability.
No one is perfect. But if you’ve got a perfectionist bone in your body (like I sometimes can), it can make you think that just because you’re not the best, that you’re not good at all. That is not true!
Every pro was once an amateur. Every expert was once a beginner. Do not be insecure about the skills that you have yet to master. Be confident in your POTENTIAL.
Make sure to check yourself and ask yourself, “am I really not good at this, or am I just not good as I want to be yet?” That’s important.
Ask yourself: Is there a specific area where you are lacking confidence? How can you expand your skills or expertise in that area? What could you learn that would help you be more confident? Once you identify it, then choose your method. Could you read a book on the topic? Do you need to take a course? Do you need someone to coach you in that area.
This will do wonders for you if you allow it to. Make a commitment.
TIP #6) Get Up, Dress Up and Show Up
If you are lounging around the house with your family or friends, sure it’s acceptable to dress down and be comfortable. Those are your people, they know who you are and your appearance is unlikely to have a huge bearing on their thoughts about you.
However, how you feel about yourself is reflected in your appearance. Think
about it, when you know you look great, you feel great about yourself right?
It shifts something in your mind. That effort goes a long way and hopefully
as you notice the difference in how you feel, you can realize where dressing
up and looking the part is worth it on a more frequent basis.
For example, I am work from home entrepreneur and because I work by myself, early on in my business I would work in really casual clothes. Because, why not, I’m an entrepreneur right? #laptoplifestyle Of course when I had my online coaching sessions with clients I would certainly dress the part but when I then when I was offline it was easy to be super casual. What I didn’t realize is that it was having a dramatic effect on my mind.
So now I get up, dress up and show up to my business every single day just as if I was going to an office. For me it’s a matter of taking myself and my business seriously, but it does also give a shot of confidence.
It’s like I am saying to the challenges that I face today: ‘You are going to test me, but you are going to get the best I have and, I know I can beat you’
We often think that dressing better is about impressing others. For some people it may be. But the real benefit is what you are communicating to yourself.
For 30-days I challenge you to get up, dress up and show up at a higher level than what you have been doing. That’ll be different for everybody, but I want you to identify is what extra bit of effort would give you an extra shot of confidence every day.
TIP #7) Just Do It
When Nike came up with this slogan in the late 80’s, they knew just how to get the general population off their butts and moving. Turns out, this is a great strategy for being more confident too.
When you stand at the edge of the water; waiting, wondering, worrying if you can do something, you lose confidence. Your fears creep in and you begin to doubt yourself. But when you take a leap of faith, jump in and get started, your confidence immediately builds.
Action builds confidence and each step you take builds it further.
Think of one step you could take right now that would get you moving in the right direction. Then Just Do It and see what happens. An incredible thing about human brain is that once it realizes something is working, it will keep that momentum going!
Being more confident starts with one thing — YOU.
YOU making the decision to take action. And when all else fails, YOU can make a choice.
YOU can choose to be confident. YOU can choose confidence over fear and self-doubt.
Your mind believes what you tell it. If you continue to tell yourself the story that you are not confident, you will believe it and your self-doubt will continue. But if you tell yourself you can do it, that you’ve got this, your mind will believe that too.
Remember, fostering a strong sense of confidence is critical to experiencing overall levels of health, happiness and success.
And once you get started you’ll be unstoppable. Be brave. Be confident. You’ve got this.
"Tips for SELF DISCIPLINE (6 Secrets) and INCREASE WILL POWER!"
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